Wednesday, February 16, 2011


Too common a sight in the dim morning light
Are the workers, poured into their suits,
Downing caffeine-free cola and bars of granola
While hasting along their commutes.
The earliest meal is, to them, no big deal.
They are wrong! It should merit a feast!
A good breakfast-platter is no joking matter –
It sets one apart from a beast!

To begin, there must be a fresh kettle of tea
(Ideally Ceylon or Darjeeling),
And a grapefruit, segmented, and slightly fermented
To expedite easier peeling.
The ham should be fried for five minutes each side
Over flames that are hotter than hellish;
And the egg must be poached on a thick slice of toast
Spread with Marmite and gentleman's relish.

The mushrooms, sauté in a crisp Chardonnay
(Which, of course, you have chilled in the freezer);
The tomatoes, you oil and then gradually boil
In a warm Scandinavian geyser.
The best marmalade is Italian-made
(The Spaniards' attempt is horrific);
You should charter a clipper to angle for kipper
Around the south-central Pacific.

The finest hash-brown can be bought in a town
Only half a day's trek from Khartoum,
And the bubble-and-squeak should be smoked for a week
In the treacherous fires of Mount Doom!
Get some iron to smelt from the Asteroid Belt
To fashion your own frying-pan,
And the sausages must – here's the crux, nub or thrust –
Be as gristly and cheap as they can.

When you fit this cuisine in your waking routine,
You will find that it helps you to function
Through the toils of the day; and, with practice, you may
Even finish in time for your luncheon.


Daniel said... the tune of "The Nightmare Song" (almost. Verses 2 and 3 in particular fit surprisingly well). Is your next play going to be a comic opera?

Daniel said...

Sorry, how rude. An excellent poem, and clearly from the heart...